After a weekend of celebrating not only Valentines’ Day, but also 8 months with Bonnie, my heart is so full. I often watch Bonnie in disbelief that she is here, and that she is ours. I find myself wondering, “Why me? What did I do to deserve such a wonderful, perfect baby?” And of course, I did nothing to deserve her, because that’s just not how our God operates. Praise Him for not giving us what we truly deserve.
As full as my heart feels, it also feels heavy after receiving several emails containing news from many of you who have recently gone through unsuccessful rounds of fertility treatments, or have had another natural cycle that has resulted in another disappointing negative pregnancy test.
I am so sorry for the hurt and loss that you are experiencing, many of you for month upon month, and year after year.
I don’t know why. I don’t know why you, or why now. I don’t know why not you, or why not now.
While walking along the road, Jesus saw a man who was blind since his birth.
“Teacher, who sinned? Who is responsible for this man’s blindness? Did he commit sins that merited this punishment? If not his sins, is it the sins of his parents?”
Jesus replied, “Neither. His blindness cannot be explained or traced to any particular person’s sins. He is blind so the deeds of God may be put on display.”
Here is what I do know, without even a hint of doubt:
Our God is greater.
He is greater than our fear.
He is greater than our heartbreak.
He is greater than our doctors.
He is greater than our diagnoses.
He is greater than our medication.
He is greater than our timelines.
He is greater than our plans.
He is greater than our dreams.
He is greater than our negative pregnancy tests.
He is greater than our quiet, empty nurseries.
He is greater than our long, tear-filled nights.
He is greater than our biggest disappointments.
He is greater than our wildest expectations.
He is wiser than statistics.
He is healer of our bodies.
Healer of our brokenness.
Healer of our hearts.
He’s the holder of our dreams.
He’s the keeper of our desires.
He’s the knower of our futures,
and He is Lord over all these things.
Your story, even the hard, messy chapter entitled Infertility, serves a Kingdom purpose. Count yourself blessed, even in your heartache, because those who mourn will be comforted. (Matthew 5:4)
Count yourself blessed, because you do not stand alone. You stand with these women. You stand with the same God who travelled the road of infertility with these women, thousands of years ago. The same God who made much of their struggles, and used them for His wonderful purpose and glory.
Childless, infertile, barren…. So that the deeds of God may be put on display.
“He is blind so the deeds of God may be put on display.” -John 9:1-3
His gifts are coming. I do not know what His gifts will look like in your life, but I know they are on their way, and I know they will exceed your grandest dreams.
“Take great joy in the Eternal. His gifts are coming, and they are ALL your heart desires.” -Psalm 37:4