“Know this: my God will also fill every need you have according to His glorious riches in Jesus the Anointed, our Liberating King. So may our God and Father be glorified forever and ever. Amen.” -Philippians 4:19
God has spent the past five years defying my expectations.
I expect great things from God, because He’s a great God. I expect big things from God, because He’s a big God. And I expect small things, because He is attentive to even the most minute of details.
But this? This wasn’t on my radar at all.
I chose not to share this news sooner for several of reasons. First, the blog has been having so many technical difficulties lately, and I didn’t want to waste the best content EVER if no one was going to be able to read it. Second, October is Infant Loss and Miscarriage Awareness Month. The LAST thing I want to do is pour salt on the wounds of you wonderful women who have enriched my life so much over the past several years. Third, I felt the need to tell mine and Andrew’s families before posting about it here. I made the mistake of not doing that with our first pregnancy, and regretted it. Fourth, and this is probably the biggest reason, I hesitated to even speak this into reality because of the way our last frozen transfer ended. That loss was very real and very hard.
After our early miscarriage, Andrew and I had not only let go of fertility treatments, we’d also decided to stop trying to conceive naturally. We’d wrapped our minds around the idea of Bonnie being an only child, and I was even beginning to embrace that. We didn’t feel as though we were giving up; we felt like we were letting go of a weight that had hung around us for such a long time.
We spent two weeks in Nashville at the end of September. I expected to have a period sometime during those two weeks. Of course, I can never pinpoint the exact day when my next cycle should start, but I knew it should start sometime in that two week window. Ever since I started taking Progessence Plus serum, I’ve been having a cycle every 25-35 days.
But it never came.
So on Friday, October 2nd, I took a home pregnancy test. It was positive. Like, really positive. Like, I didn’t have to hold it up to a light, squint, or wait twenty minutes before I saw a second line.
I was at my parents’ house when I saw this. I walked down the stairs as fast as I could, clinging to the railing for support, and fell onto the floor in the room where my mom was. I was stunned. I still am. That’s another reason I’ve put off blogging about it; my mind just can’t fully comprehend it.
Once I regained composure I called my RE’s office. Per their instruction, I immediately began taking progesterone suppositories, which I will continue throughout the first trimester, at least. They then scheduled me for a beta on Monday, October 5th.
And even though I told myself I wouldn’t test anymore before the beta, I did.
On Monday the 5th, my beta was 63. Since I wasn’t tracking my cycle and had no idea when I’d ovulated, there was no way for the doctor to tell me if that number was good or bad. So we scheduled a second beta for Wednesday, October 7th.
On Wednesday the 7th, my beta was 123. Even though my number had doubled, Dr. MK still wanted me to come back Friday for yet a third beta. In the meantime, I took more pregnancy tests.
On Friday, October 9th, my beta was 340. So as of three days ago, my numbers were rising beautifully, and as of now, I am so optimistic about this pregnancy.
Our ultrasound is scheduled for Friday, October 23rd to confirm that there is a strong heartbeat, and to estimate how far along I am. Since my cycles are historically so irregular, and I wasn’t tracking this cycle, we really aren’t sure how far along I am. And if you’re wondering what an “infertile” pregnant woman is total disbelief looks like, it’s something like this:
I could credit this pregnancy to Progessence Plus, avoiding grains, receiving regular chiropractic adjustments… But I don’t believe those things had anything to do with it.
God is reminding us that He brings redemption from brokenness. He’s reminding us that He’s more powerful than any statistic and any circumstance. He is the ultimate authority, the ultimate healer, and the ultimate provider. This new life does not replace the two that we lost, but it is a beacon of hope, a beacon of grace that surpasses human understanding and defies human expectation.
I was told I have the eggs of a 60 year old woman. So what? I rarely ovulate. So what? I have both PCOS and endometriosis. So what? I’ve had a dozen unsuccessful fertility treatments. So what?
God is bigger.
And when you believe that, you open the door for Him to do BIG things.
Greater is He that is in you than ANYTHING that is in the world (1 John 4:4.) Your story is not finished, and your Father is not finished with the work He is doing in you. Take heart, because we serve a mighty God who still performs miracles.
And He’s holding your sweet baby in the palm of His hand.
“Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY comes in the morning.”