Today should be our ultrasound. We should be hearing our babies’ heartbeats for the first time. I wish more than words can express that an ultrasound were on our agenda for today. Until a few weeks ago, I took for granted that it would be.
But God is doing such a mighty work in my heart. And I’m doing well. Really well, all things considered. I don’t know what God has up His sleeve, but I know that I’ve cherished these past couple weeks with Bonnie, and held tightly to every moment. I’ve enjoyed her so much. I believe I will meet all our babies in heaven one day, but for right now, I am able to embrace our family the way it is now, as a family of three.
September is PCOS Awareness Month. I’ve mulled over some good, PCOS-specific blog post topics, and have even spent time staring at my keyboard and computer screen, trying to write them. I’ve enjoyed reading other bloggers’ PCOS Awareness posts.
The thing is, I don’t want to blog about PCOS right now. I don’t want to blog about infertility, or about how to increase chances for conception. I don’t want to talk (type?) about any of those things. That is what this blog has become, and I’m so glad, but I don’t have it in me to write about them now.
As it turns out, letting go of trying to conceive has turned my attention and passions to other things that I’ve missed out on these past few years. Nothing major; just lots of little bits and pieces of life that I’ve been overlooking in pursuit of fertility treatments. I’m fully absorbed now in being a mom rather than in becoming a mom.
All of this to say that I’m not sure what things will look like here on the blog in the coming days, weeks, or months. I’m having a bit of a blogger identity crisis. This week, I am praying for direction with the blog, as silly as that may sound. It’s become an important part of my life, and has put me in touch with so many incredible women. Those relationships and this blog are not something I’m willing to let fall by the wayside.
I’m also praying this week for Andrew as he prepares (again) for his national board exams. He will spend all day Friday testing, from 7am to 7pm. He’s nervous, but I don’t think he could be any more ready. He’s studied diligently for months. He is on track to graduate in June, and we have so many decisions to make between now and then. We are preparing as well as we can, and trusting that God will put the right people and opportunities in our paths at the right times.
All prayers, specifically for my husband, are needed and appreciated! I am so blessed to have found such a wonderful community of powerful prayer warriors. Thank you all.