And I don’t even know what to type, let alone what to feel. My doctor called me a few hours after the blood test. When I heard her voice at the other end of the line, my heart immediately dropped, because she doesn’t normally make post- blood work phone calls. That’s usually the nurse’s job.
I should preface by saying I expected 100% good news. I took a HPT on Monday, and another on Tuesday. Monday’s test gave a faint positive, and Tuesday’s was a bit darker. So when Dr. MK told me my hCG was 26, I wasn’t sure how to respond. She said she’s concerned at the low number. My first beta was a 60 with Bonnie.
I am going back for another beta on Monday, at which point I should be at least in the low 100s if this is a viable pregnancy. If the number stays the same or drops, we will know I’m experiencing an early miscarriage.
I feel devastated and hopeful, both at the same time. I can honestly say that, in all our years of trying and going through treatments, this is the strangest I’ve ever felt, because I truly don’t know how to feel. I’m just confused.
But I’m holding onto hope. A dear friend instructed me to do so until I have absolute, scientific proof otherwise. And that is what I’m doing.
It’s going to be a tough weekend, but I’m pregnant, at least for now, and I’m believing that I will stay pregnant for the next nine months!
“He is ever-present with me; at all times He goes before me. I will not live in fear or abandon my calling because He stands at my right hand.”
Psalm 16:8, The Voice translation